My lovely anon, nothing I can say or suggest will make you healthy or happy. It’s something you are going to have to discover on your own.
I can make suggestions that may lead to a healthy diet, but you will probably gain weight. You may freak out, but try to tell yourself you need this. You need a better relationship with food. Your purpose in life isn’t to hurt yourself. Your purpose in life isn’t to appear a certain way. Being healthy is part of your life, but your purpose is so much more.
Begin incorporating starchy vegetables like potatoes and squash into your diet. Make sure to eat the skin of the potatoes, that has the most nutrients.
Eat calorie and nutrient dense foods like avocados, legumes, beans, nuts and eggs.
Relax the exercise for a bit. Make it so you workout every other day. Don’t ever use it as punishment for eating. Never, ever again. Exercise to relieve stress, to clear your head, but not to punish your body for allowing you to live and thrive.
And if you ever feel the need… take a ride to Dick’s Sporting goods, pick up a baseball bat and smash the ever-living shit out of your scale. (I would recommend you do this smashing outside.)
Then take a deep breath and make yourself some tea while you contemplate your super level of awesome.